Keeping the Distance
by Faerypix
Summary: James has always cared for Lils always will. She keeps pushing him away. The reason? Not at all ordinary, no one expects to find out these things. Sealed inside!
1. Default Chapter

**Prologue**

She ran through the dark hallways, her long, red hair flowing, as sleek as the nightfall had taken over daylight.

It was important that she got to the Astronomy Tower as quickly as possible. He was waiting for her and she longed to be in his arms.

Yet she knew that she could not stay long. If she stayed a minute longer, it was possible, if not certain that he would be destroyed. Her love for him, kept her away from him for as long as she could.

Even so over the past month it had become impossible. Since they were both Head Students it had become inevitable for them to meet, even though she kept away for two months.

When mid-November came though, things were in full function therefore their responsibilities were at maximum and soon, preparations for Christmas would have to be made. And so, Lily grew closer to him and so did he to her.

Hence, this is how their love for one another could not be hidden any longer. It was visible in their eyes, filling them with happiness and this was mirrored between them.

As she reached the Astronomy Tower, she searched the room with her emerald-green eyes, but he was no where to be found.

A worry surged through her, thinking that he was caught but simultaneously she felt relief. Relief, because if he did not come, it would make it easier.

They would just forget each other, or maybe he would forget her. But there was no way whatsoever that she could forget him. Not after what she saw.

James was pacing through the long corridors and climbed the staircases, whilst looking in his Maurader map. This was probably the greatest and most valuable belonging oh his and his fellow Mauraders.

He longed to see the girl with the lovely, soft white skin. He missed her. Yes, he did see her everyday but this was different. He missed seeing her away from the indiscreet eyes of other students.

He did not really mind showing his affection for her in-front of others but she had seen this differently. She believed that it was to her best interest, especially to his best interest she emphasized, to keep it private.

Yet this didn't make much-if not any- sense to him.

Anytime he tried to question her, she became defensive and immediately began changing the subject.

He loved her though, even back when she was hostile towards him. Even though, he loved those times. When she was stern and her replies to is flirty remarks were acidy. That is what made him feel drawn to her anyway.

Lately though, she had changed. Yes, they were together now so there was no room for loathing. Even so in the beginning of their relationship she still made sarcastic comments, it was just a game between them.

Now, their relationship lacked the spice. She was still tender and sweet but something was wrong. It was in Lily's character to be contradictive and answer back, but in the past two weeks this seemed to have been sucked out of her.

He continued walking towards the Tower, always careful not to get caught.

As he entered, he saw the figure he was looking for, standing with her back to him, gazing at the great, starry sky.

He crept close to her, wanting to surprise her and he did so, as he slid his hands around her waist, pulling her close to him.

She gave a slight jump and turned around in is embrace to face him.

"Hey there" she said flirtingly, planting a brief kiss on the corners of his lips.

"Excuse me? What was that?" he said, a grin forming on his lips.

She pressed her lips on his and broke off somewhat too soon. This happened often lately, but it hurt James. Her passionate kisses had changed to brief, peck-like kisses in a span of just two weeks.

"What if we're caught?" Lily said.

He could feel her worry yet he couldn't comprehend what brought this about. Ever time they met she had been cautious.

"So what?" he replied, trying to hide his misery.

"It's just not right" she said, awkwardly sweeping her hair off her face.

James had no reply. He absolutely did not understand why she acted so, yet something had held him back from asking.

"You think this is right?" she said, suddenly quivering under his embrace.

"I don't care all I know…" he paused as if trying to collect all the words in his mind, to form the right phrase, the right meaning.

She looked up into his face. She tried to see his deep chocolate eyes but the surrounding darkness made that impossible.

He wasn't sure if it was appropriate to say at that moment in time, considering her change in character which lately always made him consider his actions and his words. He almost feared her reaction and James was to be known as not really caring about other peoples' reactions, replies or observations. This of course was different.

"I love you" he whispered in her ear.

A warmth surrounded them and their embrace grew closer, as if, if they let go they would be driven apart, lost.

"I love you too" she admitted almost to herself, even though she already knew how she felt for him.

Their kiss was long and passionate, emerging into each other, as Lily forgot for once whilst James was letting go of his previous thoughts. They hesitated to part in order to breathe, but Lily broke the kiss abruptly, all of James' thoughts flooding back into his troubled mind.

He traced her face and could feel the warmth of her tears.

"I'm sorry. I just…I can't do this to you."

She stood there for a second, taking in his scent, his feel. And then she disengaged herself from him and ran. Ran as fast as her legs could take her.

Away, before she could do any hurting.


	2. Hidden

**Hidden**

I have to stop this.

I can't see him anymore.

I can't stand seeing the hurt in is eyes.

And that just makes it even worse. I love him with all the strength and might within me.

But, no, this must stop.

I can't cause him anymore pain. Because if I stay with him, if I continue living as if everything's fine, when it's not, then that's going to cause pain, destruction.

I can't cause even touch him for too long or even be with him in the same room for more than an hour.

How can I tell him though?

How am I going to go through this?

He is in my heart and my soul, he will always be.

Yet I cannot physically be with him. And our future would have been great from what I had been shown, from what I had seen.

I'll just end this now.

I can simply walk in the water and that would be it.

This great lake will drown my sorrows, my wounds, most of all the secret, but not my love for James.

James ran outside on the dark grounds, panting, his eyes darting everywhere. Just then he spotted Lily near the lake. She was standing there.

No- she started moving, walking towards the end of the lake. She didn't stop, but continued walking until she was slowly covered up to her knees. Lily seemed like she was being drawn by the lake.

James ran, his focus entirely on the figure that was gradually emerging into the dark, cold waters of the lake. He felt that his legs were not moving fast enough. He felt as if his feet had weights tied onto them, making it difficult for him to move quicker.

Yet he got there in time, swimming, his hands and legs in full motion, managing to get hold of Lily before she remained under the water for too long.

He carried her out and placed her gently on the hard ground. He softly breathed air into her mouth and placed his two hands one on another, pressing just below her breasts.

After a few times, worry and panic built up inside him, Lily coughed, water coming out and James pulled her up in a sitting position, holding her in his arms.

"What were you thinking?"

"You" she said faintly.

"What?" he said, his blood running cold.

He moved around on the ground, to bring himself in front of her.

"I made you do this?" he said, as he tried to look back on his words and actions over the period they had been together.

"No. But…"

He looked at her, what she had said running through his mind. _"You"._ Such a simple word, had stricken him painfully like a dagger through his heart.

He saw her close her eyes and he decided that it was best if he took her back to her dormitory. She needed to rest, he knew that and so he rose, picking her up in his arms.

She placed her hands around his neck, holding him with the strength that she was gradually regaining.

James carried Lily through the halls, not once thinking about who might be walking around.

As he was walking, turning a corner he looked at Lily who was fast asleep, and he suddenly found himself face to face with Professor Dumbledore.

"Mr.Potter?" the wizard of great intelligence, asked, a quizzical look forming on his face.

James always had good relations with the Professor, yet James wasn't quite sure Dumbledore would agree on James' many flings and basically the whole Mauraders' pranks and way of living, if he knew.

"Yes, sir?" James said, as if not fully understanding what the Professor meant, and so buying himself valuable time to think of a rather believable excuse.

"May I inquire to what you are doing at this inappropriate time, walking in the hallways, with the Head Girl in your arms?"

"That would be my fault."

Dumbledore remained quiet, expecting a reason for this state of situation.

"I had asked Lily to help me with today's lesson of History of Magic."

Still, one of the best wizards, remained quiet pointing out to James that this still wasn't enough. _I guess silence really is golden,_ he thought before continuing.

"And I couldn't understand one part so we kept going over it continuously." James stopped and looked at the Professor, who still seemed calm.

Albus Dumbledore was one who did not lose his temper or patience quickly and over minor issues. James had no memory of him ever losing grip of his calm nature. At least not in front of the students, but James doubted that he did even behind closed doors.

"So, it was obvious that she would get upset, what with my incapable nature of learning something difficult immediately, therefore she needed a touch of fresh air." James took a breath before proceeding.

"I offered to accompany her, it would not be right to leave her alone at this time and I guess I dozed off."

The Professor looked at James from head to toe. He immediately knew what the next question would be.

"Might I ask why you are wet?"

"I must confess that I thought that a touch of water would freshen her up."

"Mr.Potter-"

"Sir, I know that I will probably suffer the consequences of my actions but in my defense I have to say that I have clearly understood the history of the Ancient Druids." _And I think I just put my foot in it,_ James thought.

He always talked before thinking, just like Sirius but that is what made their days at Hogwarts even more interesting.

"Well then. Since you are so certain of your knowledge on this topic, you might as well write an essay on it" Dumbledore said, "By tomorrow after your Charms. Head on to bed now Mr.Potter. And goodnight" he finished, walking around James.

James laughed to himself, before he shrugged it off, walking to the dormitories, as he was heading before he had bumped into Dumbledore.

He entered the area which was specifically only for the Head Boy and Head Girl, as soon as he whispered, trying not to wake Lily up, "Mambulus Sestonium" to the knight in the portrait.

"Late aren't you little knight to be?"

James dismissed the comment, sliding in the fire lit study/living room.

He held Lily for another extra five unessecary minutes, thinking whether he should put her in bed or leave her on the couch, near the glowing fire.

He chose the second, as he though it would be warmer.

As soon as he did that, he picked her up again and placed her on the armchair.

He hovered into her room, looking for dry clothes for her to wear.

Indeed, he was hurt about the reason Lily gave for entering the water but his affection ran deep for her.

As he exited her dormitory, he could resist freezing and simply staring at the soft light reflecting on her beauty.

He didn't understand any of this. She never gave him any hints of why she had began acting like this in the first place.

He cleared his mind with a brief shake- he could not think about this right now.

As he walked over and stood over Lily, he wondered of where to begin. He decided that the best starting point would be the shoes and socks, then proceeding to her clothing, but he decided that the wet underwear would remain.

When he finished, he moved her to the maroon couch, covering her with a blanket that lay on the other armchair, as if being there, knowing it would serve a purpose.

James sighed to himself and let his feet drag him into his own room. He merely slumped himself onto his bed. Soon he grunted, as the memory of Dumbledore's essay came to mind. Even though he had until noon, just after Charms, the free time he had was doing his Charms research.

He pushed himself of the bed, with his strong arms, grabbing a quill, ink, parchment and the History of Magic book. He sat on the armchair next to Lily.

He gazed at her, noticing how peaceful and tranquil she was after what had happened…

A bitterness reached James' heart, causing a great sadness to crush the happiness he once had. The happiness he received, filling every part of him, when finally he and Lily were together.

He looked at the parchment and dipping the quill in the ink, he began by writing the title. Not long after, having being frustrated as what to write sleep took over him.

He was jolted awake, when he heard Lily mumbling words and stirring in her sleep.

"Together… can't… our child"

"Lily?" James said, as he shook her slightly.

"Never… forget me…"

"Lily" he continued more firmly and Lily shot up abruptly.

As soon as she saw James, she hugged him as if there was no tomorrow.

"What's wrong Lils?" he asked, caressing her hair, which fell upon her back.

She immediately broke apart from the embrace and looked at him, a certain glint in her eyes.

"Nothing, simply a nightmare" she said, giving a little fake giggle as she got up and walked towards the window.

"You talked about a child? What child?"

"None's. Just a child." She hoped that he had believed her.

"Please…" he said, walking to her, about to touch her shoulder but decided not to.

"It's nothing just back off!"

James was more confused than ever.

Lily turned around to face James.

"Look, I'm sorry but there really is nothing to know" she said giving him a somewhat reassuring smile.

James had no words, he simply entered his dormitory, the essay escaping his mind.

He threw himself on the bed, angry and at the same time hoping that this was purely a dream, a nightmare.

In the meantime, headed towards her room when her eye caught a glimpse of the parchment James had previously brought.

As she realized what it was, she remembered parts of the encounter James had with Professor Dumbledore. Even if her eyes were shut, she was able to realize who the voice had belonged to.

James had covered for her, and yet she was treating him inappropriately.

There was no option though.

And then James wanted to know who the child was.

But it was not possible for him to know. Not now. Not ever.

**A/N **And by the way do you like this or should I just put it down?


End file.
